There’s something bothering me. It has been bothering me since I found out about it. Suicide… What 5-year old girl hasn’t imagined herself dead and beautiful in a coffin, and all the people she knew around her, crying, realizing what an amazing person she was. And of course she would watch all of that from Heaven. The bad thing is that the people will attend the funeral and after-party, and then they will go home. Months, years will pass and no one will ever remember poor chica but her parents. Now, is that the reason that little girl is not dead? No. The reasons are simply primitive – fear of death and lack of imagination. Prosaic but true.

And now the girl is all “grown-up” and became 15-year old lady who has both imagination and knowledge. She comes up with millions of ways to play with life, but she knows what she might end up like, so she never does. Sometimes life hits hard and that’s when words “Life is unfair” and thoughts of suicide come to the rescue. Razor glitters and blue-green arteries in my wrist stand out from the rest of my body. Death seems like the way to go…

STOP! REWIND! AND FREEZE!

You broke up with your boyfriend? It’s just a high school love, it was never meant to be. Have no social life? Welcome to the club…

It’s stupid to slit your wrists for attention. For when you finally get it, you won’t need it. Also, think about your parents. They love you with all their hearts. How would they feel if you just died? Not because of some horrible disease or old age, but because you chose to. Because your life ‘didn’t make sense”. You are 15, for Christ’s sake! Life won’t make sense until you make something of it.

Yes, I am a constantly depressed, rather apathetic person. Yes, I am emotional. Yes, I take things that are going on around me too close to heart. Yea, I make you think I will commit suicide. Yes, you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I cut myself and was bleeding to death while you were out partying.

STOP! REWIND! AND FREEZE!

I have low self esteem, don’t like myself and am never happy. But it’s not reason to die. Sometimes I wake up at night and wonder why I was honored to live. Whatever the reason is, I am grateful. I was given life, and the right to decide what to do with it. I don’t know what exactly yet. But something meaningful. Something worth living for…

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