~My future

‘Tears will run down my cheeks. I will not care, I will tell everybody that sun is too bright for my sensitive eyes. But then, despite the sun, I will be standing outside looking for familiar face to show up for quick second and vanish in the crowd of other people; people I don't know and don't care about. And there it will be, face I love so much, face I see in my dreams, always smiling… And then it will disappear, as it always does.

No, I will not run through the crowd to stare some longer, as I usually do. I will go the other way, looking at the ground, sobbing quietly. And then I will meet somebody in the lunchroom and spend my whole lunch talking to somebody I didn't know, about something I didn't care about, thinking about the same thing over and over:

“He got my point. He agreed with me. He would never talk to me again. That's what I have been asking him for. That's what I thought would make things better, would make both of us happy. That's what we need to move on with our lives… But it didn't turn out that way. It made me miserable. Now all I have left is few memories, movie stubs and quick seconds of looking at the guy of my dreams who I will never be with again. The first time in my life something I wanted so bad didn't make me happy. I wish I had a time machine, so I could reverse everything I've ever said and done. If someone can make me smile, he can. By calling me, by talking to me, by simply realizing I have the right to make mistakes...

And then I will cry, I will cry at school and at home, and I will cry myself to sleep… My life will be perfectly terrible and I will end up being alone for the rest of my life... Picturing all that in my mind I decided I will not let that happen and smiled as my sweetie showed up and sat next to me. As I hugged him I crossed all stupid thoughts about us not talking off my mind.

It's a good thing I can see the future...

It's a bad thing that I can't...

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