Here I come - well-rested and smiling. Happy to be a girl. Happy to go to school, because today there's no History class (or Russian for that matter). Happy that this weekend is three-day. Happy to be alive and see this wonderful morning, and the one after that... Happy to have found old tapes that bring so many memories and listen to them. Listen to them 24/7. Reread old diaries and smile through the tears. Sing alone with my voice breaking. Gosh, memories mean so much to me, and it's so easy to bring them back. Just put the tape into the walkman and drown in the ocean of precious memories. The weird thing is - all my fave memories are easily brought by some kind of music. Maybe because I used to listen to one or another CD all the time, and I don't do that anymore, so I guess my last year is easy to forget. Almost no music. A lot of memories though. A lot of feelings I don't want to lose. Don't want them to get lost in tunnels of my brain. I want to relive them every day of my life, replay scenes in my mind, cry in silent night. Without any music.

Music keeps us going. And the fact that everything was so hard and tiring for me can only have one explanation. I gave up music. If only I could accept music back into my heart, everything would be fine. So basically all I should is find new fave singers that give away their hearts while singing. Because I could use one more heart. Mine is too busy with all the emotions. With all I suffered through and all that made me joyous. Technically, the only way to calm myself down is to take long vacation and avoid emotions. But on the other hand, life without emotions is nothing.

And so I go on living my full of emotions life, fighting with depression and smiling to love in my heart.

Yeah...

<< - >>