I slept right next to the Christmas tree, so I would be the first one to open all the presents. But when my parents made their way upstairs at 10 o'clock I was sleeping like a baby. Although after I realized that it's Christmas morning I was too excited to want to sleep. So I started to make a mess opening all my presents. I got a lot of stuff, including a couple of board games, a lot of keychains - I collect those. I was in a great mood, and I spent most of my morning and afternoon playing board games with my 'rents and playing with my new micropet. But then I got an email survey from one of my friends and I realized that she had a party where all of my friends were invited, including my best friend, and no one said a word to me. I'm not mad at them, I just feel rejected. I should really get used to it.

I mean, do I really need friends. You can never trust people, no matter who they are. I trust too soon, and that is something I would like to change. I can't trust guys. I trust girls too much. They use me and I don't care. Friends are my weakness. I never really have any. I mean, I moved here year and five months ago. Juneau is small community and everybody knows each other from kindergarden. No matter how good of a person I am, or how much fun I am to hang out is, no one really knows that. People are friendly, but only on outer layer. When they need a friend, they never think of me. They go to people they knew for years and years.

I thought I learned to live with it. I never really had any friends. There were girls that I hugh out with and spent weekends with, and went roller blading with, and talked on the phone with. But thinking back, they were just people who happened to be next to me for some time. They left my heart.

I do realize that it would be a miracle if I found a good friend forever in my teenage years. But I still desire someone I can completely trust and be open with. I just want to find a person I will be number one friend for. You know, someone who really cares for me.

Ahh, what's the point? I can have a lot of stuff. Guys, good grades, respect of people. But one thing I will never get is a true friend. Maybe it's not that important. But it's a number one priority for me.

I hope you don't mind if I cry.

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